Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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