I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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