I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
