Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think people are normalizing furries
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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