hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
