I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
