no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
