Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
