listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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