YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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