she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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