new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
