i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
