She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
where am i from again
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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