Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
