The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
