my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
