i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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