I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"it" just moved
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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