I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
