I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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