So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
