just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's get the cat blown out
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
