My friends, they love my intelligence
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
