no, he came in my armpit
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
