Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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