woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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