Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
