wakey wakey hands off snakey
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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