Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
