This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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