last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
