hotel room ftw
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
