I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
