I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
