my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
