You can't special order awesome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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