Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What drink are we having for lunch?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
