so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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