real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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