There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
