she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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