she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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