So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
