he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ladies don't puke and tell
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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