The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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