the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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