Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
