how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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