Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
they're like a gay fantastic four
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
