Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
