Your face is a jimmy john
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
