You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
