He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
