whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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