is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
