Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
