I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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