i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dicks are not precious.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
