Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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