My first STD was from a foam party
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
