I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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