so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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