My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
