When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
