Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
