after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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