Tell her she can't have a vagina
I faked an abortion last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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