A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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