Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
