She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
