she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She needs sedatives and a leash
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
