I hate all girls vehemently.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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