I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
